Kavita Sharma, 22, from Lucknow, grew up in a close-knit joint family of nine, including parents, siblings, and cousins. Moving to Saharsa, Bihar, for medical studies, she initially embraced independence, but slowly loneliness and isolation took a toll on her studies and eventually her well-being.
“After qualifying for the National Eligibility and Entrance Test, I was thrilled to start my studies. However, being away from home for the first time, I missed my family, which adversely affected my well-being and academic performance,” says Sharma. She was feeling homesick, which disrupted her well-being. This resulted in low energy levels, difficulty concentrating, and poor academic performance during her first few months of college.
To alleviate this, Sharma kept in touch with her family through regular video calls, birthday calls, cards, and WhatsApp messages, which made a big difference: she did not feel out of place and lonely. She also began sharing her daily activities with her cousin.
Sumeet Das, 20, a commerce student from Kolkata, labels himself as jovial and cooperative and “admired by his professors”. He attributes this popularity and good nature to his family, with whom he spends quality time and discusses his academic challenges. This helps him remain optimistic and focus on his goals rather than become discouraged when facing any challenge.
“I’m lucky to have a supportive family; I discuss both academic and personal issues with my parents and brother, which bolsters my self-assurance and helps me deal with everyday obstacles,” says Das.
Das and Sharma’s experiences exemplify the positive effects of spending quality time with one’s family.
Benefits of spending time with family
According to a 2017 study by Dr Patricia Thomas, Purdue University, Indiana, familial relationships provide resources to cope with stress, engage in healthier behaviours, and enhance self-esteem, resulting in higher well-being.
Research suggests that receiving family support can boost self-worth, which in turn enhances optimism, positivity and mental health. Family members can also help regulate behaviour. A positive relationship among family members is associated with lower allostatic load (wear and tear on the body accumulating from stress). Moreover, it reduces the risk of hypertension and cardiovascular diseases.
Aditi Tulshyan, marriage and family counsellor and certified trauma therapist at XpressIt Mental Health Services in North Delhi, says that connecting with others reinforces our happiness, mental and physical health.
Spending quality time with family is a necessity, not a luxury. “There is no wiser investment than investing in those you care about, who will provide a built-in support system when needed,” says Akhila Therese Mathew, senior psychologist at an online counselling platform, and emotional wellness coach in Bengaluru.
How being social and spending time with family works
Helps you cope with stress: Seeking social support is one of the coping mechanisms and people who spend quality time with their family tend to manage their stress by venting out their concerns instead of depending on unhealthy coping mechanisms like smoking or drinking.
It helps people to express their feelings and emotions instead of bottling them up: The emotional support provided by one’s family enhances one’s psychological well-being. People who receive emotional support from their families tend to experience a greater sense of meaning and purpose in life.
Those receiving support from their family may feel a greater sense of self-worth, and this enhanced self-esteem may be encouraging optimism, positive affect, and better mental health.
Ways to keep communication open:
Maintaining communication is essential for any relationship to thrive. To keep the lines of communication open, it is important to listen to each other, be honest and transparent, and be willing to compromise.
Mathew and Tulshyan both agree that active listening is an important aspect of communication. Pay attention to people’s words and tone without getting distracted. Let them know that you are giving them the space to open. Nonverbal signals like nodding and smiling during the dialogue can also be beneficial.
Listen, be honest and transparent, compromise, show respect, establish trust, be understanding, and remember it is a two-way street, are some of the mantras given by Tulshyan.
Mathew suggests the following approaches for better communication
Acknowledge the emotion and provide empathy: Try to use empathy statements during your conversation such as, “It must have been really hard,” or “I understand how this makes you feel.”
Avoid interrupting while the person talks: Providing adequate time for individuals to express their feelings and emotions will strengthen the quality of the communication.
Make exploratory statements: This helps the person to feel that there is a safe space for him/her to open. Instead of saying, “Talk to me, I am listening,” use sentences like “Please tell me what you are concerned about.”
Convert your feelings into words: This can help the other person to clearly understand the nature of your feelings. (For example: “I feel happy and proud that I was able to accomplish the task.” or “I feel angry as the situation did not turn out the way I expected.”)
