Families are the building blocks to a child’s holistic growth and development. The familial environment is a child’s first social group and the skills that they garner in this environment in their formative years, come into play as they set foot into the world outside. The role of family in a child’s development includes influencing the way children perceive themselves, their sense of trust and security, their resilience when faced with tough situations, and the quality of their relationships.
Growing up in dysfunctional families can have far-reaching consequences for a child that can find reverberations into adulthood. Identifying, addressing, and eliminating destructive familial patterns is essential for safeguarding a child’s mental health and well-being and shaping them into well-rounded adults and forming a happy family. Experts stress the role of gentle parenting in a child’s development.
Identify negative patterns in the family
The first step to breaking negative patterns is identifying and acknowledging them. According to Rekha Ahuja, assistant director, SAMAGRA – St. Joseph’s Holistic Wellness Centre, Bangalore, abuse in any form—physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual— can affect a child deeply.
Ahuja lists some unhealthy family patterns that can have a negative impact on child development.
Poor emotional regulation: Poor emotional regulation can manifest as recurrent fits of rage, throwing objects in anger, hurling abuses, shouting, argumentative behavior, and domestic violence etc. These can create a highly volatile environment for the child, making them fearful and constantly on guard. Besides, children learn by modeling, and they can mirror these behaviors.
Neglect: Not meeting the child’s needs can affect their self-esteem and instill a feeling of being unworthy of love and attention. They may experience hindrances in forming trust and can go on to have low standards in other relationships, including friendships and romantic relationships. Such children may also end up being clingy and constantly seek validation.
Maladaptive communication: Familial communication patterns that are riddled with blame, passive aggression, gaslighting, silent treatment, labeling can lead to the child imbibing these patterns, and failing to develop healthy ways of expressing themselves.
Substance abuse: Abusing substances such as drugs, alcohol can expose a child to harmful behaviors, like abuse and neglect. It can also impact the parent or carer’s ability to effectively perform their parenting duties. Children may also be forced to take up responsibilities, which in turn may lead to overlooking of their own feelings and needs. Such children are also susceptible to developing substance abuse disorders themselves.
Sampurna Chakraborty, assistant professor, clinical psychology, Amity university, Noida adds that a child picks up behavioral patterns and coping skills watching the parents. “A child learns to regulate emotions, communications skills, and stress management by watching the parents. If the family panics in a situation, the child’s reaction would be similar,” says Chakraborty.
How familial issues affect different age groups
Unhealthy family dynamics can manifest in different ways during different stages of a child’s life.
“In early childhood, children may showcase crankiness, throwing tantrums, being quiet, withdrawn. Their brain development may be affected, which can in turn affect cognitive functions like learning, attention, memory,” says Ahuja.
In school-going age, children can exhibit behavioral issues like acting out, picking up fights, bullying or getting bullied. They may also develop self-soothing behaviors like hair picking, nail biting, thumb sucking to take their mind off things that are bothering them. They may also showcase somatic responses like feeling nauseous, low appetite, nightmares.
“Teenagers and young adults may show rebellious behavior, enter abusive relationships, abuse substances, have self-harm tendencies, sexual promiscuity, deviant, thrill seeking behaviors, attention seeking behaviors,” adds Ahuja.
How to foster a positive family environment for your child?
Aanchal Anand, child psychologist and founder, Mindzcraft, Delhi, enumerates the different ways to create an environment that is conducive for a child’s well-being and holistic development.
Open communication: Encourage open and honest communication within the family. Listen to the child’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment and validate their experiences.
Quality time: Spend quality time as a family, engaging in activities that promote bonding. This could include family dinners, game nights, outdoor adventures, or simply talking and sharing stories.
Positive reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise the child’s efforts and accomplishments to boost their self-esteem and confidence. Focus on their strengths and encourage a growth mindset.
Set clear boundaries: Establish clear rules and expectations within the family to provide structure and consistency. Ensure that consequences for misbehaviour are fair and constructive, focusing on teaching rather than punishing.
Healthy conflict resolution: Teach children constructive ways to resolve conflicts and express their emotions. Model healthy communication, empathy, and problem-solving skills within the family.
Emotional support: Be emotionally available and supportive of the child, offering comfort and guidance during challenging times. Validate their feelings and provide reassurance that they are loved and cared for unconditionally.
Create routines: Establish predictable routines and rituals within the family to promote stability and security. This could include regular mealtimes, bedtime routines, or family traditions that provide a sense of continuity and belonging. Designating a fixed time for gadget use is also key. No screen time while eating should be encouraged to avoid gadget overuse.
Lead by example: Model positive behaviors and values for the child to emulate. Demonstrate kindness, empathy, respect, and resilience in interactions with others.
Encourage independence: Support the child’s independence by allowing them to make age-appropriate decisions and learn from their mistakes. Offer guidance and encouragement as they navigate the world around.
Seek professional help if needed: Stressing the importance of therapy, Chakraborty says that breaking the cycle involves a lot of conscious effort and self-work. “Many don’t realize their unhealthy patterns, which causes these to continue and even get passed on from one generation to another.”
She adds that while the mode of therapy is tailored around the person’s unique issues and experiences, the common therapeutic goal is to bring in insight in the person about their maladaptive behaviors.
Takeaways
The role of family in a child’s all-round development is immense. Family environments can influence a child’s well-being and overall development. Identifying unhealthy patterns and eliminating them is crucial to avoid negative consequences.
