One conundrum that many parents face today is about the ideal level of involvement in their child’s life—should they be over involved, making sure their child is making the right decisions or grant them more independence and let them learn from their mistakes? Researchers are currently studying the pros and cons of helicopter parenting, an overbearing parenting style.
What is helicopter parenting?
Dr Ashlesha Bagadia, perinatal psychiatrist & psychotherapist, The Green Oak Initiative, Bengaluru says that helicopter parenting is not an official term. “It is a loosely developed phrase to suggest an intrusive or overbearing parenting style, where the parent may closely monitor and attempt to influence every action of the child, even if not appropriate for age,” she says.
Dr Prerna Kohli, Delhi-based clinical psychologist & Founder MindTribe.in says that the term ‘helicopter parenting’ is derived from the idea that these parents hover closely over their children, much like a helicopter hovers in the air.
“It is used as a metaphor for the behaviour of parents who are over involved, are excessively focussed on their children’s activities by constantly monitoring and intervening in their lives and have an overprotective style of parenting. The term emerged to illustrate the excessive level of involvement and overprotectiveness exhibited by these parents,” she says.
What does the research say
A recent study, conducted in China and published in the Healthcare journal looked at the effects of ‘helicopter parenting’. The study, which surveyed 505 Chinese college students, found that helicopter parenting could lead to interpersonal conflicts among college students in a competitive environment.
The study also highlighted that overinvolvement in your children’s lives with an emphasis on high warmth/support, high control and low empowerment, could lead to child’s failure to develop rational self-perception. The study finds that as a result of being overprotected by their parents, children tend to overestimate their own abilities and values, due to which they find it difficult to maintain harmonious relationships with others.
Speaking about the study, Dr Bagadia, perinatal psychiatrist & psychotherapist, The Green Oak Initiative, Bengaluru says that it focussed only on a very specific environment- college students in a highly-competitive environment.
“They found that children with early experiences of helicopter parenting (characterized by high warmth, high control and low empowerment), were more prone to psychological entitlement and fear of missing out. This in turn led to interpersonal conflicts and difficulty in acclimating to a high competitive environment,” she says.
“It’s important to note that the impact of such parenting can vary based on individual circumstances and the child’s temperament,” says Dr Kohli, adding “Striking a balance between support and autonomy is crucial for healthy child development.”
What are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting?
Dr Bagadia & Dr Kohli say there may be some advantages to being an overly involved parent.
- Child feels safe
- Can rely on parents for support
- Academic success
- Stronger emotional bond between parent and child
Dr Kohli recalls the case of a 22-year-old man from Delhi, who grew up in a household with two highly involved, overprotective parents.
“Throughout his academic journey, he faced immense emphasis on his achievements, with his parents often intervening in his schoolwork and pressuring him to excel academically. This excessive involvement prevented him from developing independent study skills and problem-solving abilities,” says Dr Kohli.
Dr Kohli says that the individual also struggled to develop a sense of identity, to make decisions for himself and lacked basic life skills such as managing finances, household tasks and personal responsibilities which were largely taken care of by his parents.
“Through therapy and guidance, he worked on developing essential life skills, fostering autonomy, and building resilience,” she says.
What is the best parenting style?
Several parents now vouch for the benefits for gentle parenting. Dr Bagadia says “A parenting style that is beneficial to the growth and development of the child. It is one where the parent is attuned to the needs of the child, both in terms of warmth and safety and in terms of firm but “matter of fact” boundaries as and when required.”
She suggests using positive reinforcement techniques such as praising only when praise is due and encouraging rather than directing, allowing children to learn from their mistakes and helping them express their emotions and problem-solve themselves without excessive dependence on the parent.
Dr Bagadia says that some good parenting styles include:
- Positive parenting: engaging with the child in a positive manner
- Reflective parenting: observing the child’s behaviour, building a strong bond or relationship with the child
- Secure and safe parenting: creating a warm, safe and secure environment for the child)
- Reward based Parenting: using a reward system to appreciate good behaviour rather than punishment-based parenting.
“Parenting styles that focus on being extremely strict and controlling with a punitive attitude are not encouraged. Neglecting and dismissive parenting along with violent and abusive parenting are meanwhile considered bad,” she adds.
Dr Kohli says that ultimately, each child is unique and parenting approaches may need to be tailored to their individual needs and temperaments. “It’s important to find a parenting style that aligns with your values and promotes the overall well-being and development of your child,” she says.
“Helicopter parenting may stem from a place of love, but it can hinder a child’s development of independence and resilience. Parents need to find a balance between being involved and allowing their children the space to grow and make their own choices,” she adds.
Dr Kohli says that the best parenting style is one where clear rules are set but the parents still offer the child some autonomy, in making decisions, taking calculated risks and learning from their experiences. Setting realistic expectations is also important, she says, along with encouraging children to express their thoughts and feelings and actively listening to them.
Takeaways
- Helicopter parenting, an overbearing parenting style, can cause issues such as lack of independence, resilience and low self-esteem among young adults.
- It is important to strike a balance between supporting your children and allowing them some autonomy, say experts.
