Raging teenage hormones bring about infatuation that can put a teen on cloud nine. But heartbreaks can pull them down just as easily. As a teenager, everything feels intense, and heartbreaks are no exception. It can be overwhelming for parents to see their teen in pain and not know how to help. However, parents can guide them through such emotional turmoil and help them come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Happiest Health spoke to experts who advise parents on how they can support their teenage children as they navigate the ups and downs of love and heartbreak.
Why teenage heartbreaks are emotional rollercoasters
Heartbreaks are common in adolescent years, which is an overwhelming period due to major physical changes and emotional upheavals that occur, according to Rashi Laskari, a counselling psychologist from Mumbai. “Teens forge strong bonds with people as they are still discovering themselves and learning how to relate to another person. When such bonds break, it leads to an identity crisis and they land in an emotional rollercoaster,” she says.
Teens also do not have the emotional resilience or coping mechanisms to deal with life events like breakups, which makes them vulnerable to heartbreaks compared to any other age group, mentions Laskari.
When parents fail to understand
Barsha C (22), a student from Assam, had a serious infatuation for a senior when she was fifteen. “I talked to him day and night. I was heartbroken when he just stopped talking to me out of the blue,” shares Barsha.
Besides, a close friend added fuel to the fire when she told Barsha’s disapproving parents about her feelings for the senior. “I was utterly disappointed and hurt. I did not want to go to school and would want to sleep the whole day. My parents did not help; instead, they were happy that he stopped talking and told me to move on quickly. I became agitated and frustrated,” recalls Barsha.
Like Barsha, many teenagers face such situations where parents judge or dismiss their emotions. “Teens feel lost and frustrated when they feel like they are not being heard. In extreme cases, they resort to self-harm to release the tension that they feel,” says Zenobia Rustomfram, a counsellor at Indian School of Business as well as Nasr School, Hyderabad.
Signs of teenage heartbreak
Your teenage child might not be open about their feelings. However, parents can look out for the following signs to understand if their teen is going through a heartbreak:
- Your child is isolated: They don’t like to mix around with people as they feel nobody understands them, says Kavita Kacker, an academician for the last twenty-one-years and parenting coach at PlanetSpark, an online platform building communication skills in children.
- Loss of interest in activities: Your teen might feel disinterested in doing things that they usually enjoy doing, says Laskari.
- Mood swings: They are moved to tears very frequently and have sudden outbursts along with crying spells. “Any questioning, comment or anything that is perceived as nagging triggers an overreaction from teenagers,” says Rustomfram.
- Less interaction at home: Teens often feel an emotional disconnect with their parents, which is why they feel comfortable expressing their feelings to their friends who go through a similar phase, mentions Rustomfram.
- Eating and sleeping disorders: Most teens develop low self-esteem after a breakup, feeling that they are not attractive enough. “They might go through sleeplessness and eating disorders like binge eating or not eating at all,” says Kacker.
How can parents help
Your teen goes through a multitude of emotions during heartbreaks from which they cannot just ‘move on’. This leads to obvious frustration and causes sudden behavioural changes. The key to helping your teen relieve this frustration is helping them express their feelings.
“Parents should listen to their child patiently without minimising their feelings and be empathetic,” says Rustomfram. Teens will feel understood and comfortable talking to you for guidance.
Kacker advises parents to recall their teenage years and put themselves in their young teen’s shoes. “Make them realise that these feelings are normal and will not stay forever,” she says. However, Laskari reminds parents to understand that their teenage child’s experiences might not be the same as theirs.
She further points out that some teenagers might not feel like getting help. “Allow your teen to take the lead on taking your help,” advises Laskari. However, it is imperative to acknowledge that there is a change in their behaviour.
Laskari says that even if your teenage child is not open to your concern, parents can show their untoward support through small gestures like preparing a good meal for them, leaving a note of encouragement and appreciating all the good things about them.
Takeaways
- Teenage heartbreaks feel turbulent due to several physical and emotional changes that occur during teenage years.
- Judging and minimising your teen’s emotions makes them feel lost and frustrated.
- Parents should look out for certain behavioural changes to know if their child is heartbroken.
- Being empathetic as well as showing love and support to your children is important to help them through heartbreaks.
