It is one of the biggest paradoxes of being a human being, that we inherently fear vulnerability, yet we so desperately seek it out throughout our lives.
In our most vulnerable moments, we yearn to be seen, heard, and comforted. Yet, we deeply fear sharing our innermost feelings – what if they judge us? We shy away from crying in front of others – what if they think we are weak? And we hesitate to really open ourselves to others – what if they misunderstand us? Reject us?
However, the same emotional vulnerability or openness provides the basis for strong bonds, individual development, and resilience in troubling times. With it, we can manage the complexity of our emotions, create meaningful connections, and start down a path of self-discovery.
What experts say
If we were to distil the many definitions from across experts and readings on mental health, vulnerability could be explained somewhat as this: shedding the armour of emotional defence around us and letting ourselves be open to those who matter to us. Show them the positive chink in the barrier – be it in in matters of joy, grief, failure; or be it success, personal demeanour, viewpoint, attitude, an inability, confession, mistakes and misunderstandings.
Rutika Khandol, psychologist at Mpower Counselling Centre, Mumbai, says, “Being emotionally vulnerable means allowing oneself to be open to experiencing and expressing one’s emotions genuinely.” It involves a willingness to expose our innermost feelings, thoughts and fears without worrying about being judged or rejected.
She adds that emotional vulnerability entails recognising and accepting our own emotional needs and boundaries. It is also about embracing the inherent uncertainty and discomfort that come with expressing our emotional state.
It is important to keep in mind that emotional vulnerability does not involve excessive sharing or overstepping personal boundaries, says Khandol. One should strike a balance between being vulnerable and defending oneself, making sure that vulnerability only takes place in therapeutic or safe situations.
How does it feel?
The experience of vulnerability can often feel like a mix of different emotions. Ranging from anxiety, fear and discomfort to liberating, freeing and cathartic, it may vary for different people.
Divyanshi Goswami, Noida-based counselling psychologist, sheds light on this duality. She says that initially, experiencing vulnerability can bring in a lot of discomfort. It may accompany a fear of being judged, rejected or misunderstood. “However, it can also bring a lot of peace and comfort when you are acknowledged or heard and accepted for your true emotions,” she says.
Khandol echoes this view: At first, there may be a sense of unease or anxiety as one steps into the unknown, revealing their true emotions and inner struggles. However, along with these challenging emotions, vulnerability also holds the potential for fostering profound connections, empathy and healing.
It can evoke feelings of liberation and authenticity, can promote empathy, compassion and validation in others. Ultimately it can lead to emotional growth, self-acceptance and strong relationships with others.
The strength in vulnerability
According to Khandol, here are some ways of gradually building the confidence to be oneself, emotionally:
- Introspection: Analyse your beliefs and attitudes towards vulnerability. Identify any underlying fears or negative associations that may be holding you back.
- Normalising vulnerability: Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is natural to humans. It takes courage to show that one is vulnerable.
- Start small: Share your feelings with trusted individuals who have earlier demonstrated empathy and understanding. Start with safe and supportive environments to gradually build confidence.
- Self-compassion: Practise self-compassion and self-acceptance. Be kind to yourself when you feel vulnerable and remind yourself that it is okay to experience a range of emotions.
- Boundaries: Set clear boundaries to safeguard yourself while still allowing space for vulnerability. Let others be aware of your needs and limitations.
- Professional support: Consider working with a mental health expert, such as a therapist, who can guide and support you in exploring and embracing vulnerability.
- Imperfections are OK: Vulnerability is not about perfection but about being genuine. Know and accept your flaws as well as the messy and imperfect aspects of life.
- Celebrate courage: Take pride in your courage in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Recognise the growth and strength that come from it.
Goswami adds, “Accept the fact that nobody is perfect and start with self-acceptance. When you are easy on yourself and accept your own self [with] imperfections and weaknesses, that is when you can actually open up to others.”
Khandol has a compassionate reminder. “Remember, each person’s journey with vulnerability is unique. Be patient with yourself and take small steps towards greater comfort, allowing vulnerability to become a source of strength and connection in your life.”
